I hung out with the boyfriend last night. It was a good time but after we had sex I started thinking about things and got a little teary. I am good at hiding things so he didn’t notice. I wanted to bring stuff up but I didn’t. I want to ask him if we are friends with benefits and does he want to break up with me but isn’t because he’s being nice? I think my disappointment in him is making this surgery thing more painful. I need to clear things up with him. But for some reason I feel like I am not going to see him after my surgery. Like I just feel like that, and it is sad. I know I’m a bit of a drama queen when scary life things happen to me it feels like the end of the world and that I will never walk, drive, love or have sex again, when in reality it is temporary and the sun will shine again. I just really gotta talk to him and see how he feels about us and tell him how I feel. My goal is to call him today.
My friends and some family have been so supportive to me right now. It is blowing my mind 🙂
I am trying to be as social as possible while I am still mobile. Today I am meeting my friend Anne, she needs support because she is getting a divorce. Her husband is a loser and an idiot. He left her. She was extremely unhappy with him anyways and this is so much for the better. I met them before they got married and I told her not to marry him. I am going to be very needy since I will be bored from not working and not being able to drive places so I am reaching out to my friends and they are being amazing and I think this will be a beautiful healing process.
3.5 days until surgery day! I have a lot of things to organize and stock up on before then.
Also the weather has warmed up 🙂 🙂 🙂 it will be a magnificently beautiful spring time. With or without the stupid boy. Who is actually not that stupid. He is highly intelligent and when I hang with him I notice all the things I like about him. But it still doesn’t change the hurtful things he’s said and the way he lives his life is something that is not what I am too interested in. Such as dissimilar hobbies and lack of spontaneity and thirst for adventure.
Love, Lust, and Life 