We just fucked for 5 hours.

Ummmmm.

I went out to lunch with him today, and I had mixed feelings, and I had previously decided that if he wanted to sleep with me that I would not. Since he hurt my feelings so bad on Friday by saying the let’s just be friends thing. But we had lunch and I had a really good time with him. We talked about important life things and it felt natural and nice. I didn’t let myself get too excited because I thought it was just going to be our final hang and no sex stuff would happen. But we go back to his place because the server brought me two drinks, they were 2 for 1, and I felt pretty intoxicated, so he said I could come up for a little bit and I did. I sat on his couch and I was really thinking that he was going to sit on the chair that is not near the couch. But he sat next to me and brushed up against me a little here and there. Then he laid back on the couch as if he wanted me to lay next to him. I look at him and I say, “are you comfortable like that?” And then I lay next to him and it feels really good. Then we kiss a little and I ask him about what he meant by hanging out on a friend level. And he meant that he has so many things going on in his life that he feels he wouldn’t be able to put enough attention into me and it wouldn’t be fair to me. He has a big court thing going on from a car accident he was in and his son is going to start kindergarten and they seem really close.

I told him that I am very cool with moving slow. And as long as he communicates with me then I will understand. And plus I have my own things I need to focus on too.

And then we boned for 5 hours straight, holy shit. And we did anal. OMG he is so great. His back is all messed up from the car accident so it was me on top for 98% of the time, which is one of my least favorite positions, but he is so great that I am glad to be able to do that. He tried other positions but they hurt him. So my body is fucking tired, my arms are shaking. If we keep seeing each other I am going to get really good at that position and I am going to have super strong arms.

I was NOT expecting the sex, and not expecting him to like me anymore.

It goes to show that him saying he wanted to still hang out on a friend level, triggered so many things in my brain and in my emotions, but they weren’t true. Like the first day I was upset because I was tired of all the rejection I’ve had in my life. And it brought up insecurities, and I assumed I was bad at sex and that’s why he didn’t want to see me anymore, or that I’m emotionally unavailable, or I’m not bubbly enough for him, or yadda yadda yadda. He said the friend thing on Friday, today is Monday and by Saturday my brain just concluded that none of those things made sense, nor are they true, and he probably didn’t want to have sex anymore because it hurts his back and that he felt I deserved more than what he could give.

So, our automatic assumptions are not always true!

I am going to be a little cautious with this guy though, he has hurt me a couple of times already, like him not remembering to text me in the beginning for like 6 days, and then him rescheduling the next time, and then this friend thing. Not too bad, but we also talked about depression and he must just go in and withdraw. I should ask him more about that, because I can’t have a guy who completely goes inward and shuts me out when they’re upset. I need someone who’s all there, even if they’re mad or upset.

Gotta go to sleep now, nighty night!

We had a fun night, and morning ;)

My uncle had a party so I drove the hour to go to that and then I met up with him at a bar in town, there was an awesome band that played. Then he wanted to go to another bar with his brother and two friends but he said only if I was going, and I said, “sure!”. We took his truck, god, I love his truck. Anyways I forgot that I like to drive myself places because I get stuck out way longer than I want to be, but I tried to have fun anyways and talk to people and I did. He was really nice to me like when he went out for a smoke asked if I was okay for a couple of minutes, and I’m like yeah, totally. I had spent time away from him dancing in front of the band anyways and talking to strangers, so I can definitely fend for myself.

We eventually went back to his place and he started kissing me in his truck. It was So. Hot. Then I started feeling his dick and I sucked it for a little bit. Damn, I do that way too much to him. Then we went inside and he ate me out which was fucking amazing. Then we had sex, really good sex, and anal, and it felt better than vaginal sex…he came in me. In the morning we laid around for a bit and once I felt awake enough I started touching his side, and then I grazed his dick and noticed it was not soft….I felt it some more and took his pants off. I sucked him more for a little bit and then I got on top of him. He was getting progressively more into it and he took charge and threw me on my back and fucked me in all different positions. I didn’t let him fuck my ass in the morning, just because he needs to do more “relationshipy” work in order to get more…..he asked if I wanted to try it again and I said, nope. He said, “okay we can have a rotation going for it”. I told him, “you should cum in my mouth”, and he said, “oh, I will”. And then he did and I still had gum in my mouth and I swallowed it along with his cum. Yum!

As the morning progressed and as I was leaving he was doing these little insults that I do not like. Like my phone  battery was dead and he said that if I wasn’t on my phone 24/7 then it wouldn’t be dead. And made fun of my shoes, and junk like that that I do not like at all. So I’ve decided that he is a jerk, and I am done putting forth the effort. It’s his turn, yeah, I know I’ve been saying that for a while but it gets more real each time. Plus he finally has tags for his truck. And knowing that he is a jerk makes me like him less. I still want to fuck him and potentially date him if he stops subtly insulting me….but for the time being I’m definitely looking on tinder and stuff.

Also there’s a miranda Lambert concert that I’m going to in 13 days that he said his step mom was going to and he would go to too, so we’ll see…….

I had a really good day yesterday, knowing I get to see him and fuck around with him is the greatest thing ever.

Uhhhggggg high sex drive, what ya gunna do.

In the morning

I stayed on bed for a while because I was hungover. Damn it.

He came down probably to check on me, he said good morning Que Bella, magnifique perfection.

It was awesome!! Then I told him I was dying and he stuffed the blanket all around me and said oh you’re sick? Let me tuck you into a burrito. There ya go. He did it playfully and jokingly. I love shit like that.

He also said I’m a lightweight and that I poured all my drinks together into one glass, like strawberry rhubarb wine mixed with whisky 7up…it’s pretty red neck and he likes that.

Oh and while we were boning, we 69ed him on top, somehow it worked. I tried deep throat he later mentioned it and said he liked it. Then we were boning and he said “so you owe me something?” And put his dick to my asshole. I said, “yeah, like dinner or something”, and he said, “or something” I said, do you have any lube of some sort for this?” He said, “no, it’s packed away in boxes” and he proceeded with going inside of me and it didn’t even hurt. I knew anal with him would be more enjoyable since his cock isn’t as big as others that I’ve had. I never do anal without lube but I get so crazy wet with him. And he came in my ass.

Fun was had by all.

He wants to do bad things to me.

I came over on Saturday. We had the best sex ever. We did it outside in another gardeny area. I cannot believe how fucking hot it was. I also can’t stop thinking about the first time he kissed me. The way he did it, holding his hand up to my head and with his body language that showed that he was so much into me. He did it with feeling. And I never swallow guys’s cum. I’ve done it once in my life and never have done it again. But he asked for it the first night and in my head I was unsure but I’m pretty willing to try stuff, and I let it fill in my mouth while letting some fall out onto the bed, but swallowed the rest. Almost gagged…didn’t let him see it though. Then I felt okay afterwards. And I’ve done that two more times to him.

Back to the second night when we were outside again in another gardeny area, after we did it we went inside, and fucked again. When I arrived to his house, there were fireworks that were being shot very close to my car. It was his brother. We sat around outside with his dad and dad’s girlfriend, and a young kid. I had my own drink but finished it then I heard them talking about rum and I said I wanted some, Caleb told the woman that I am a light weight, so make the drink not strong. He said it multiple times, super duper light weight. I thought that was fucking nice. My last dude would offer me drinks even though it made me throw up for 24 hours straight. He would always offer and try to get me drunk. What an asshole.

When him and I were fucking in the garden he said, do you want to do it in the morning and then come over again tomorrow night and do it again? And I said, really?….yeah!

The second night I got a little pissed but the sex was good. It was cold out and I came over at 8:20pm. Sat outside watched him play guitar and sing (which I don’t like it when guys do) but he was good. Then some neighbor friends showed up and they all talked about people I don’t know, so I couldn’t really chime in the conversation, nor did I care to. It started getting really cold and I can’t stand the cold so I told him I was going inside. I went and he said, “I’ll be in in a minute, I’ll coming in right behind you”. I lay in bed, try to get warm and mess with my phone. Time goes by…I went inside at 11:10pm. He didn’t come in until 12:05 or 12:10. It made me feel like an idiot. And I texted him some things to entice him to come inside and he said, I am coming, my brother just woke up and is telling funny stories. And it made me think, ‘you live with him and see him every day…..and you’ve got me in bed wanting hot wild sex’. He came in and we had really good talks he asked about what my secrets were and I told him stories and he couldn’t believe my stories.

During the sex it was the greatest ever. He talks a lot during it and it is so hot. I usually can’t say words because my brain turns dumb, but since he talks it’s making me have to say stuff so I’ll get more used to it. He was asking about what I wouldn’t let him do and I said, don’t pee on me, and don’t shoot me with a gun. At the moment I couldn’t think of anything else. We eventually got out the conversation of anal, I knew he was wanting to say it, but wouldn’t so I said it. He said he has wanted to do that to me ever since he saw me in my blue shorts on our first date. I said I would maybe let him do that to me, “if you’re really nice to me”. Even though I really want to do it with him and I won’t make him wait too long. His dick is much smaller than Travis’s so it will make anal more enjoyable.

The way he makes me feel is the lusty-est, craziest, wildest, fucked up-est I have ever ever felt. I feel it really deep inside of myself when I think about him. It does something to me.

I can see myself potentially falling for him but I already know there’s problems with that.

1. He drinks too much alcohol.
2. He smokes cigarettes.
3. He doesn’t like to go out into the world and do things
4. He hates driving, especially far distances (I love traveling and have been yearning for a man that’ll do stuff with me)
5. He’s a bit redneck in most ways I LOVE it but in other ways like having that close mind that redneckish people do. Where they don’t believe in things just because other people believe in it, such as recycling, stretching….
6. He gives pop and sugar to kids. TOTALLY NOT OK. I will never give my future young children white sugar.

So yeah those are some kind of serious things.

When we were talking about anal he said he wants to do bad things to me. And he said, “you know I’m just going to keep doing more and more stuff sexually to you until you tell me not to”.

He says I am so beautiful and sometimes I look at him in a certain way that makes his heart stop and makes him wonder what the hell he’s doing.

Omg I can’t wait until he comes over. He lives an 1 hr and 15 minutes away which sucks. I hate long distances. And he doesn’t like to drive. I asked him today if he will ever visit me and he said, “perhaps, okay yeah probably.” He hasn’t been getting enough work and his truck has stuff wrong with it, and his tags are expires (long story he’ll tell me later) should be fixed soon though, he says.

But I want his hot sexy man body in my fucking apartment. I want to take him out to the places where I go, and show him off, and then have all the fun I can possibly have with him later.

Also he asked me what are some things sexually I’ve wanted to do that haven’t done yet. I told him public sex. Which I have done some, but most of the guys I’ve been with are not adventurous at all. He said it’s not his thing but if I come over wearing a skirt then we an go somewhere and do it.

Having my fantasies filled, makes me drop my jaw, and everything in my mind just stops.

Omg I want to see him again, I was really really sad last week because I thought he was rejecting me and I felt like an idiot because I slept with him so soon. So, now I’m not going to get desperate and I’m going to do the right things such as not send him negative complainy messages. If I want to see him I’m going to send him sexy pictures and words. He said that stuff will work.

I gotta go. Goodnight

XOX