Yep it’s been almost a month since being drunk. Everything seems a little brighter. Work has gotten a lot better since I am no longer hungover for 2-3 days a week of it.
I even went to a Die Antwoord concert and didn’t get drunk! I had one drink and it was weak.
Gotta go!
Thanks for following and for reading much love to you!
❤
So I gladly still haven’t been “drunk” since the 4th of July. Amazing! For me in my life the last 8 or more years that is an accomplishment. It’s been 24 days.
The quotes “drunk” are because I’ve found not drinking during band practice is really hard. So the last 2 practices I’ve had 1 to.about 1.5 drinks during. And while I felt the alcohol, I don’t believe I was drunk.
Things in my life are greatly improving, namely my work and my band and the way I feel. Also my hip pain is significantly less and I’ve been jogging 🙂
That’s something I haven’t been able to do in 4 years because of pain.
So happy that I can jog!
I have been getting headaches even though I haven’t been drinking. What gives?!?
Mostly just this week and I assume it’s pms symptoms. And weather related.
But it has made me realize how often I blamed my headaches on alcohol, when since quitting alcohol, I am having just as much seemingly more headaches than usual. Maybe it’s withdrawal symptoms? I wasn’t drinking every day before, but a significant amount. I have had one drink a couple of times just to minimize any possible withdrawal symptoms.
I feel like my mental state is in a much more stable and happy place. Things seem a bit brighter and I feel very positive about my future. I see very good things ahead 🙂
Going to Caleb’s was a test, I always drink when I go to his house, and it was a social thing, his family was around the whole time. And I still just had one drink that was made with Cherry Macgillycuddy’s, which has an incredibly low alcohol content. So I did well on that test. He stayed up way too late and it pissed me off, I told him I couldn’t stay up late but he kept me up way too late anyways, I felt like shit at work yesterday and my sleep schedule is all screwed up and today I feel not right either. I am so sick of having to loose multiple days of feeling okay just to have a good time and get laid. I told him I cannot stay up that late anymore. It makes me not want to go to his house. I should tell him that too. But in a nice way.
Also I have been listening to a Rich Roll book on CD while I drive, it’s great! To my surprise he talked about his problems with alcohol and it was great listening to it while I am doing my own work in that area.
Good things guys.
I’m going to make it to 2 weeks! I feel good, nothing too amazing to report. One thing that is still true is that I feel like I have more time to get things done 🙂 Being drunk makes time fly by I spose!
Gotta go bye!
It is 2 days later, and I’m still feeling it. What sucks is I didn’t drink that much. The problem is, is that I didn’t eat. I didn’t even have fun at the party. It was me feeling nervous before and the whole time I was looking for people to talk to so that I wouldn’t feel awkward. And then the girl in the other band that I joined ditched me, as she frequently does. I was drunk and so upset that I left without saying bye to anyone (normal for me) and I went into my car and cried. When I held it together enough to drive, I drove to wal mart where I sat in my car and had to wipe tears and mascara off my face. I tried to sleep in my car but my body wouldn’t let me. I was upset because she lets me down a lot and then the party brought up all these feelings about Fred and it was uncomfortable and sucky.
So I drove home. Thank GOD I didn’t get pulled over. Even sober me swears I didn’t drink that much, but without eating that makes it worse.
So the next day, I threw up for half of the day, almost every hour, and was bed ridden the whole day. Today I worked at 7 am and was a complete zombie. All the happy chemicals were zapped from my brain and I was just a corpse going through the motions. I also did a shitty move where I was supposed to have a meeting at 1 pm but it got bumped back to 2:30, we’re only scheduled to 2:30, and since I was so tired and useless I didn’t want to be at work later than expected. So I said I had a doctor appointment and would have to miss the meeting. Normally I don’t have a guilty conscious, but I’ve been thinking about this one today and it does feel kinda shitty. I believe my presence at the meeting wouldn’t have affected much, but it was for a client at work and she’s made so much progress and I mean a lot to her, and I wasn’t there.
I am tired of being tired all the time. Also my stomach has been bloated like a pregnant lady’s for at least 3 years. (could be alcohol related)
I waste so many days being hungover. I never thought of alcohol as a problem as people tell me I’m just a light weight, so I always feel like I’m the weird one around the people I hang out/go out with since I can never drink as much as them. But in reality, it’s fucking up my life. It has taken away from my work quite a bit. I have days where I can’t function like normal and it’s 100% because I drank the night before.
I started researching alcohol and depression and the videos I found are making me cry. I hope I’m not just being a drama queen, but the fact that it’s making me cry means something is hitting home.
I never drank until I was 20 because I have a lot of alcoholics in my family, and I knew why people drink, which is to alleviate social anxiety, so I always wanted to stay sober so that I would feel normal in social situations, but then I tried drinking and have been doing it ever since. Currently, I drink probably 3-4 days a week, 2-4, 5 maybe even the equivalent of 6 drinks at a time.
I was not a very social person before alcohol, and the isolation lead me to deep severe depression. Then I learned about the importance of being social so I started making friends and alcohol just went along with it. Now I have noticed if I’m being social and not drinking, I want to leave. I get bored. I’d rather be doing something productive. Sports and working out used to work for me, but since I had hip surgery my hip is still fucked up and I can’t do those things.
Also I was doing really well after the hip surgery but 5 months afterwards I started seeing a guy and we had/have really rough sex and I seriously wonder if that messed up my hip. Because I love sex so much that I knew it was probably bad for my hip but nothing else matters in that moment. It’s kinda self destructive huh?
I think people in my life would be very surprised to know all of this.
I make no promises or even claims to try to quit alcohol. I haven’t been able to quit in the past and I am not planning on it right now. But I know my feelings about it are changing and I am having revelations about this that haven’t serioulsy dawned on me before this.
Oh, I have a date tomorrow. A second date. Almost 2 weeks ago I went on a date with a man with dreadlocks. I honestly do not like dreadlocks, but he is a sexy man! I was so nervous to meet, I hate first dates, but the date wasn’t terrible and the more I’ve thougth about him, the more I am so attracted to him. We are meeting tomorrow, and I probably won’t want to drink, but I probably will kinda want to. A big bonus about him, he doesn’t drink. I like that a lot. A downfall, on his profile he says he doesn’t want kids. I definitely do, so maybe he will just be a for now type of thing. If I am so lucky to have someone stick around in my life.
Thanks for reading.
I went out friday night for one drink and got peer pressured into drinking more. I never give into “peer pressure” but it was a weird day and I hardly ate any food and the alcohol affected me a lot. So Saturday I woke up hungover. I had to lay around for a lot of the day despite wanting to do so many things. I also had the wedding party of “Fred” and his wifey. I had been dreading that for a while thinking it would make me sad because of me being jealous. But thank God! a friend went with me so I wasn’t on my own awkwardly trying to hang with people who I kinda sorta know. But the wedding celebration wasn’t sad they were so cute together and it was lovely I’m glad I went and so grateful to know these types of people.
But I was still hungover and had a couple of really strong whisky drinks. If I am at a social thing I have to drink otherwise I feel bored and want to leave. (I think this is something I could bring up with my therapist)
I have a lot of alcoholics in my family and I didn’t want to be like them so I never drank until I was 20, but then it was fun and I have been drinking for the next 10 years, with rarely taking a week off. I probably had a few weeks of not drinking in my early 20s but from as far back as I can remember I rarely have taken time off. I don’t drink every day, right now it’s about 3 days per week. I never thought of myself as an alcoholic because I drink so much less than the people around me. Everyone is astonished that I get hangovers from just 2 or 3 drinks. And I’ve tried to quit here and there but never succeeded.
I also have an auto-immune disease so I know alcohol is really bad for me. I have wasted so many days of my life being hungover and it’s really holding me back with certain things.
I wonder how much better I would feel if I quit. I am also recovering from hip surgery that I had last year, and it still requires PT exercises, that I can’t do on days I’m hungover. I am also trying to lose 8 lbs and the hangovers really don’t help that because I usually eat something unhealthy to try to feel better (HA! where’s the logic in that???) and then I can’t exercise on the days I’m hungover.
The reason I drink is because it’s fun, and it makes me be more social. I could go on and on about this topic but I think it’s time to grow up and learn to be social without alcohol.
A main thing that is going to be hard is that I am a drummer in 2 bands and I LOVE drinking and drumming. So I think for that I will just switch from my usual whisky to hard cider. That will be a nice step down. I could bring water, and 2 bottles of hard cider and just drink those and be drinking much less than I used to while playing.
I really don’t know if I will need to quit alcohol 100%, but I wonder if I can maintain drinking significantly less without forgetting and slipping back into the same habits. Maybe if I am at an event and feel like I HAVE to drink I could have a 2 drink maximum.
We’ll see how it goes. I just know that I didn’t drink Thursday plus I had the best much needed sleep and Friday I looked and felt so good and glowy. Then if I hadn’t have gone to that stupid bar after work Friday my weekend would have been SO MUCH better!
Do you guys have problems with alcohol? Have you quit? What are your thoughts in general?
I’ve been trying to talk to him about some things because when I’m not with him I think of all of this bad stuff about him, such as things he’s said that upset me and it really stresses me out. So last night we hung out like normal. NO DRINKING I got so sick last weekend. We drink a lot together and I’m done with it. D.O.N.E. Anyhoo, we had sex. And I had hip surgery a month and a half ago and he hasn’t gone down on me since one or two weeks before the surgery. So I gave him a bj and then he just goes to putting it in me. My heart sank. And it’s a big issue because of the shaving thing. He only goes down on women if they’re shaven…ugh how wussy is that? So I’ve been shaving even though I don’t want to. And he hardly ever goes down on me. In previous relationships I’ve never cared about receiving oral. Because they usually do it so much that I don’t even care for it. Every once in a while is nice but it’s not the greatest thing ever. But with this guy he hardly does it AND I shave for it. So last night we had sex and afterwards I felt so empty. And my heart was beating really fast, I couldn’t believe he didn’t do it. I think he sensed my weird body language. He seemed very open and receptive to communication. And it wasn’t directly after sex but a little bit after that I said, “you confuse me.” And I didn’t want to open with being sexually dissatisfied, so I said, “the other day when you said, ‘you’re lucky you’re attractive, have an amazing vagina, and are a good person’ what did that mean?” And he said, “what??”. He said he meant it as a compliment and would I like him to take it back? To me it seemed like, what? why am I lucky…..I dunno it was just weird. So I said that and then I was quiet for a long time. And then later I said, “are you awake?” He said, “yes.” I was quiet again (couldn’t get any words out) and literally minutes later he said, “why?”. I said that I have a stupid question to ask, “do you like going down on me?” And he said, “that is a stupid question. Yes I like doing that to you. And you are welcome to request it at any time.” I think I cut him off but I said, “I don’t think I will ever do that.” I think he said other things but I interrupted him which I wish I hadn’t but then I said, “I like…… don’t think I should have to.”
And he didn’t say anything else. It takes a while for me to think of things to say and by that time I was afraid he was falling asleep.
OMG I’m way too nice. I think some girls would just bring up shit even if their guy is needing sleep but I just keep it in. Only with him though. I’ve never been quite like this before because i know how much open communication is so important.
So I am so happy that I got some stuff out. But the universe is giving me every sign to get rid of this guy. I just really want to do it in a civil understanding way. Can’t really predict that or make that happen but damn he’s so great in ways that I don’t blog about.
And it is weird that he didn’t talk much after I brought up stuff. Like we didn’t talk it out to find a mutual understanding.
I didn’t sleep much last night, I’ve had a headache and I had to process my thoughts and feelings. I found a happiness that was me realizing I am not stuck. I do not have to be with him. I can date others and someday I will find someone who makes me feel good about myself. Someone who supports my feelings rather than shuts down. And someone who gives back massages!!!!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂
I think about Travis so much and I have conversations “with him” in my head without actually saying the stuff to him and I know how toxic that is. It is stressful and it probably is bringing me down. Also I need to stop thinking about it.
And about oral sex. I want a guy who can’t help but do it to me. Who feels like he can’t stop himself from doing it. Not wait for me to fucking request it.
Ugh I could so easily not see him again. But I don’t want to do that to him. But he seems to not have many feelings so he may not be too hurt from it.
There’s this guy I’ve been talking to on Facebook he asked me on a date 2 weeks ago. I’ve been avoiding it, but I am going to meet him this week 😬 🙈 😱
I just accidentally deleted a post about how I want to do boring things like crochet doilies and yoga and paint and cook. Safe things. I found these brochures that are Tallgrass Prairie Trail Map and Guide and Wildflower List and Bloom Times.
I don’t want going to bars and restaurants the thing that I do a lot. Consuming things and spending money isn’t what it’s all about. I want to canoe and explore and get to know the people around me deeper.
Love, Lust, and Life 